I told you I had a lot to say about marriage, I just can’t help myself!! I’ll share on something else tomorrow, but this stuff is so important.
10. When preparing for your wedding, spend more time preparing for your marriage than your wedding. Abi, I know that sounds crazy… but I’m serious. I know so many people who have been totally swept up in the event that they get to their honeymoon or back home to their “real lives” and they find themselves saying- “now what!?!?”. Yes make your big day special, but make the years and years proceeding it, the main event. Read books on marriage, listen to helpful messages on it, get mentored, and it prepare your heart for it.
11. On that… Read the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It constantly shapes your Mum and my marriage for the better. Also read Captivating and Wild at Heart by the Eldridge’s. Sean read Captivating, Abi read Wild at Heart. It helped us understand each other better.
12. Pray for each other and together. David McLaughlin in The Role of the Man in the Family, states that one in two marriages in America end in divorce, however when a couple prays together regularly that numbers is reduced to one in ten thousand. Let me say that again, 1 in 10,000! So pray! It works. why? Because it’s near impossible to come to God and hold on to some sort of anger, lie or bitterness. His love and grace is too great and He washes away such obstacles in our marriages.
13. Don’t be unequally yoked, and if you are- go back to number 12! If you’re unequally yoked, it means one of you is stronger in their faith in Christ than the other. It could mean one is a Christian and one is not, or one is a more mature Christian and one is less. If you find yourself in this situation- pray. Ask God to draw your spouse closer to Him. It can be a long road, but I’ve seen countless couples come into alignment with each other because of a praying spouse. Don’t give up, pray harder, love more radically, and see what God can do.
14. Date each other always. Often couples complain about the lack of “love” in their marriages. When I ask how often they date each other, it’s almost always never to rarely. When we first meet our spouse we date them and it’s exciting- then often we lose this. So date your spouse. Write them poems, pick them flowers, dress up for your dates with each other, get a babysitter and get away together. We have a million excuses why that sounds too hard logistically or emotionally or financially, but if nothing changes then nothing changes. I’ll add this for your dates- stay curious. One of my Pastors used to say, “always mine the gold in your spouses heart.” Great advice
15. Give each other space to be. I know above I said date each other, but just as important, give each other space. Let your spouse have time alone with Gid, time with their guy or girl friends, time to relax alone too. Your Mum knows that one hour of surfing for me means a week of a better marriage, same if I give your Mum a cup of tea and a quiet house. So give each other some space too.
I pray for your marriages all the time already.
I love you kids,