Dad here again. I really do hope these posts will be helpful to you. I’m not perfect at everything I write about- but I sure am grateful I know the One who is!
Tonight I had the privilege of making your Mum some dinner after putting you two to bed, and then just spending hours of quality time with her.
We talked about our marriage, and your Mum said, “I’m so thankful to God that despite some really hard times lately in our circumstances, with all your study, the busyness of two young kids etc.etc. we have a healthy marriage.” Praise God, it’s true. We’ve been married 6 years now and we really are probably the healthiest we have been as a couple.
So today, I want to talk to you about ‘the one’. I’ll talk separately about marriage on a different day, but for now, let’s talk about this important question.
I want to talk to you about “the one”.
You know your Dad is a Pastor. As a Pastor, I get asked all the time, “How do you know who the one is?” I’ve wrestled with this question a lot, and this is what I answer now, and this is my answer to you if you are ever wondering.
“The one is the one you stand at the altar with and marry… so choose wisely!”
I know that isn’t always what people want to hear, and you may have wanted a different answer, but this is where I have landed on that one.
Basically, there is very little in the Bible that seems to indicate to me, clearly, that there is a “one” for us. What I mean by that is, I don’t see there being a situation in the Bible where if you missed marrying one person, you missed “the one”. I also think that that thinking is super dangerous, because when couples are going through a hard time they end up saying, “maybe I didn’t marry ‘the one’, and this other person is ‘the one'” Like I said super dangerous.
What I do see in the Bible though, is that, although permitted under certain circumstances, God hates divorce.
Also, I see that a healthy marriage is the most amazing picture of God’s love for the church… so we have to approach it with the awesome respect and commitment that it deserves.
So… my recommendation is this- make ‘the one’ for you, your eternal ‘one’, the one you marry. Then, once your married, fight for that marriage as if your life depended on it. Seriously, there are few things as amazing as a healthy marriage.
Let me give you a few points of wisdom, for choosing a spouse wisely.
`1. My Mum taught me this. For you son, look at their Mum. Often, though not always, a daughter will turn out similar to their mother. If you love their Mum, their’s a fair chance you will love who you are married to at their mother’s age. I’ve always had a great love and respect for your Nana D’Souza. If Joyce grows up to be like her Mum- winner, she has a great role model in her Mum. For you my daughter, do the same with the Dad. It’s not a hard and fast rule, but generally a great father raises great sons.
2. For you my daughter, look at how he treats his Mum and other women other than you. You need a man who will treat you like an absolute princess. If he doesn’t treat all women well, his show for you will soon fade and you will be treated the same. Take this to heart sweet girl and guard yourself from men that are nice to you at first, but not to others, it won’t last.
2. Look at their friends. If their friends are solid, there is a fair chance that they are solid too, because you choose your friends and they choose you.
3. Have a look at their spiritual gifts. Will you compliment each other?
4. Ask them what the most important things in life are to them? If the most important thing in life isn’t Christ and His love and will, don’t proceed. Marriage’s fall apart all the time, you need the glue of Christ. Simply marrying a “Christian” isn’t enough, you need to marry someone that is head over heels in love with God, because their love for God will also flow on to you, cos that’s what God will ask them to do, love you.
5. Get advice from those that love you, surround yourself with people that will give you advice that’s good for you, not just what’s good to hear.
6. Lastly and most importantly- PRAY! When it comes to your Mum, I really believe that God told me I should marry her. Seek God, and as He gives you peace and His blessing, it will make approaching marriage with confidence, so much easier.
Anyhow kids, there is so much more I could say, but I’ll leave it at that. The one you marry becomes the one, so chose wisely, and then fight for your marriage! You can do it kids, with Christ at the centre, nothing is impossible and just like your Mum and I, you can thrive.
Love you so much,
About the series:
I’m 29 right now, but soon I’ll be 30. 30 sounds so young to some, but to me right now, it’s feels old! It’s a real milestone.
It’s sounds funny to say this but the closer I get to 30 the more I think about what legacy I’ll leave my kids.
To be completely honest, the closer I get to 30, the more I realize I won’t always be here for them, one day I’ll go to heaven and get to be with Jesus face to face, and they’ll have to walk this earth with God in their hearts, the Holy Spirit as their comforter and guide, and Jesus as their example and intercessor, but they won’t have me here. So, for the times they might wonder, what would Dad have to say about this… I’m writing them a blog a day for 30 days. They might not need it now, but if they ever do, I hope it speaks to them.